I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
