no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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