I just threw up on my dentist
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
