I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
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