when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
