my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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