The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
