i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
