if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A+ Viking dick
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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