I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
