does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
