we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
