Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
