We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
