This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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