I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize