it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
