i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dear god my vagina.
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