sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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