I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
