its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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