You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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