For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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