She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
