I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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