they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
