Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
