He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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