Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
