Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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