does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
