i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
