Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
