Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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