her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
