I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
