it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
soo... how was my night?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
