You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
