i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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