Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
