We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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