my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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