I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
