i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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