I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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