You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
