I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The struggles of a small town man whore
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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