woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
