i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
