Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Vodka?
Forever.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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