he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
