i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
