Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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