wanna go halves on a baby?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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