im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
