Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize