Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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