You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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