ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
