why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
