This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
