So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
