I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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