never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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