There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
