how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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