She's JV to your varsity
and she was petting her beer can
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
