piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
