So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
