On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
