I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
