I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
