You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize