I must be too annoying 4 u.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
