It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
